Well, for a start, it’s pretty fucking awkward.
If you don’t already know, I have a podcast called It’s Not She, It’s You where I interview my exes and discuss what went wrong in our relationships. I don’t just limit it to ex-boyfriends though, I literally texted every guy I’ve ever dated (casually and not so casually) and asked if they wanted to be on the show.
Each episode I tell the story of a different guy (even the ones who didn’t want to be interviewed, so jokes on them hehe) with the help of one of my best friends. I’m a little biased, but I think it’s pretty funny. You should give season one a listen! Click here!
I’m currently in the process of editing all of season two and after spending the majority of the year interviewing old flames I have to say, I’ve actually learned a lot.
I feel like calling up the guys you’ve dated and talking about what it was like to date each other is most girls’ worst nightmare. And admittedly, even as I got used to doing it, it still was nerve-wracking every time I hit that call button. It’s just so…cringy. Which yeah, that’s what I was going for. When I was trying to think of a concept for the podcast and this idea came to me I initially thought “no way, you can’t actually do that” but I knew that people would be interested. Because what kind of psycho would actually do that?!
Me. I’m the psycho. 🙁
But also, what kind of guy would agree to do this with me? I’m not the only crazy one in the equation. Just saying.
Overall, it’s been quite the experience and one I don’t regret. Making this podcast has been so fun and such a learning curve and also very enlightening. Here are a few things I learned:
GUYS TRULY DO NOT REMEMBER THINGS IN THE SAME WAY
It’s pretty lame but it’s true. All of those small, intimate moments, late-night discussions of your hopes and dreams and that time he called you by the wrong name? He doesn’t remember.
When I was interviewing the guys I felt like there were constantly moments when I would share a story or mention a detail and they would say something like “Oh really? That’s crazy! I don’t remember that at all” and while, yeah, we’re not dating anymore so obviously I’m not that surprised they forgot, I can’t lie, it is definitely an ego hit.
I feel like women associate emotions with memories waaaaay more than guys do and so we remember all of the little things and thread them together to create a story that just doesn’t look like the one the guy remembers. To be clear, I think (and I am biased) that my recollection of my relationships is the correct version but ya know, I guess it could be up for debate. Let’s just be real, guys remember the times you yelled at them and the sex and that’s it really.
THAT GUY YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D GET OVER…YOU’RE OVER IT
Isn’t it satisfying?
There wasn’t anyone I interviewed who I thought I still had feelings for but it was still funny to speak to so many dudes who I use to think (for the most part) were so wonderful who I now find about as appealing as a napkin. Not to be an asshole, they’re all fine (for the most part) but once you’ve moved on fully from someone they just don’t possess that same je ne se quoi, ya know?
This was especially true when I was interviewing an ex for season two (coming in 2020!). He was my most recent ex (at the time) and I purposely waited to interview him because I wanted to make sure I felt over it. I was really, really mad at him and I didn’t want to see him and start frying (frustrated crying) or something embarrassing.
So when it felt like enough time had passed and I was ready I reached out to him and just like I knew he would, he said he’d do it. Except, he wanted to do it in person. Red flag!
I mean, I can’t say 100% without a doubt that he wanted to do it in person so we could, ya know, do it in person but I would say that’s why he wanted to 100% without a doubt.
Knowing this, I was prepared to make it as professional as possible and reassured all of my friends that nothing was going to happen (“I hate his guts, remember?”). But I have to admit, I was a little worried something could very well happen.
I knew inside that I was over him and that I didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore (aside from using him for my own gain via my podcast) but I couldn’t help but worry that when he walked through my door I might…I don’t know? Realize I still have feelings for him? Do something stupid?
I am happy and proud to report that did not happen.
In fact, when he walked in the door I wondered to myself, “How have I never noticed how small his head is compared to the rest of his body?” and the rest was all smooth sailing from there.
It was SO nice to be able to sit across from someone who I truly thought I was falling in love with (upon further investigation I realized that this was incorrect) six months prior and look them in their small turtle-like face and feel absolutely nothing.
Being able to also tell him exactly how he made me feel was so therapeutic and I can’t wait for you to hear the episode at the beginning of next year.
The moral of the story is that if you’re currently holding back tears over a dude on a regular basis, do not fear. Those feelings will pass and soon you will so over them it’s not even funny.
I’M PRETTY LIKEABLE
Okay just hear me out on this one. Indulge me for like, 30 seconds.
Part of the reason texting all of the guys I’ve dated and asking if they’d be down to let me interview them for my podcast is so awkward is because there was a good chance some of them could hate me. It’s inevitable! No one is perfect.
I haven’t done anything truly awful to anyone (I’m a pretty decent human being most of the time) but of course, I’ve ghosted here and there (usually because they were creepy so is that really my fault?) or ended things with someone to pursue someone else. Nothing crazy but still. There is nothing more delicate than a man’s ego.
But, turns out, I’m pretty well-liked. Of course, these dudes I interviewed could have been totally lying so they wouldn’t come off as assholes but I don’t think they were. Even a guy I interviewed for season two who was recalling a time when I got upset with him still thought I had been overall a really pleasant person to date.
Which, yeah, maybe that’s why I have a hard time finding a relationship that lasts. Too many people thinking I’m just “pleasant”. Not exactly what you want to hear!
I was, overall, very relieved to hear that I’m actually not a total nightmare to date and will choose to accept this as the truth and not think about what all of the guys I didn’t interview might think about me.
RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE
This was abundantly clear even for the episodes where I didn’t interview anyone and was just discussing a past relationship with a friend. The red flags were constant.
Like, embarrassingly constant. There were so many so often that I don’t even know if I should be allowed to date anymore because my god, am I blind?!
Honestly, it all gave me a good laugh because some of these red flags were so obvious that it was just funny. He still goes to his ex to get his haircut and you think he’s over her? Hilarious.
Like in all relationships, no matter how short-lived, the aftermath always teaches me more about what I want and what I deserve. Reflecting on all of these past guys I’ve dated has made me even more vigilant when it comes to meeting new people and making sure that I’m not just letting things slide because I feel a connection with them.
Season two of It’s Not She, It’s You is currently being edited and will be released at the beginning of next year! To keep up with the show and be the first to heart the release date follow the podcast account on Instagram by clicking here!
Thanks for reading!
Xo,
She
