I turned 25 last Saturday and I was able to ring in my 25th year with so many of the people who mean the world to me, while I threw out my back dancing to “My Humps” solo and making the unforgivable mistake of mixing rum and vodka that should have been easy to avoid considering this wasn’t my 21st birthday, ya know? But alas, I had a fabulous time at my Halloween birthday party and lived my best dead Britney life. Plus I didn’t puke so I would consider this birthday a smashing success. I’m sharing some fun shots of the evening in this post so enjoy!
This year feels important to me somehow and I don’t know if it’s because according to my 10-year-old self I should be married with two kids by now (LOL) or because of some other lingering feeling that I can’t really describe.
Is this going to be my year? What does that mean anyway? Will I become super rich and get abs and travel the world and meet the love of my life?
Doesn’t seem…likely.
Not to be negative, I mean, anything could happen I guess. But I think it just feels like some sort of milestone and while I’m trying not to focus too hard on the things I haven’t accomplished yet (ahem, student loans are still very much not paid off) and spend more time celebrating the things I do have going for me, it can still feel a little unnerving.
Isn’t this kind of the year I’m supposed to be at my peak? I mean, not physically because I’m pretty sure that happened a couple of years ago in terms of my reproductive organs. But isn’t this when I should be living it up the most while simultaneously getting my life together? It’s kind of a lot of pressure man.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I guess turning 25 just makes me feel like a true, bonafide grown up. Which yes, that sentence contradicts its own message, but it’s true. I know that I am still very young and I am grateful for that fact because I have more time to try and make these dreams happen but this is the first time I’m realizing how quickly time goes by and how fleeting youth can be.
There’s a lot of things I want to do that I haven’t done at all. There are a lot of things I’ve wanted to do, tried to do and given up on. I have big dreams and all of these plans and visions of what I want my life to look like. And I struggle between wanting to give myself grace and being proud of where I’m at while also wanting more and wanting better.
I often feel like I’m on this never ending roller coaster where some days I am on top of the world, feeling amazing and motivated and inspired. And other times I dip down so low I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get back up again. I feel uncertain and overwhelmed and like I just don’t quite measure up. It’s these low moments that stop me from moving forward. That prevents me from making progress and actually going after what I want.
I don’t want those moments to define my life. I feel like in the past year those high moments have been fleeting and less impactful than the low ones and in my 25th year, I’d like to change that. So this year I am focusing on one specific thing and that is action.
So often I allow my bad days, fear and insecurity to hold me back from moving forward. I freeze and immediately lose all momentum and slowly let my goals and dreams slip through my fingers as I go down this negative rabbit hole of self-doubt. This year, I want to focus on taking action even in the moments where I feel like I’m at a standstill. Even on the days when all I want to do is to give up and wait for a “better time” or get a second (or 14th) opinion. I want to, no matter what, continue taking action.
And my hope is that by letting my movement and action be unwavering in its determination I will be able to see less uncertain days and more confident ones. I want this action to propel me forward and to allow me to see what it feels like to actually see things through.
So I made a list. Of all the things I want to accomplish in my 25th year. Some items are stupid and just for fun and others are big and scary. But they’re all things I’ve always wanted to do but either never gave a real chance or gave up on halfway through. This is the year I’m keeping my word.
So I’m putting 25 things I’d like to accomplish in my 25th year here for everyone to see so I can stay accountable. And I’m going to document each experience as it comes and see if maybe I learn something.
I know regret is an unavoidable part of life but I want my regrets to be small and forgivable, not something that haunts me my entire life. There is no better time than now to start living my life with intention. Let’s see where it takes me.
MY 25TH YEAR BUCKET LIST
#1: Travel to Greece
I think one of the things I haven’t done yet that bothers me the most is my lack of travel. All of my friends and family are constantly traveling all over the world and experiencing new cultures and eating delicious things and I’ve never even been out of the country. I have wanted to go to Greece my entire life (fine, since I read The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants in middle school) and I want to make it happen this year.
#2: NYFW for the second time
I was able to attend New York Fashion Week in 2017 and skipped it this year because of personal and work obligations but I would love to be back in 2019 again.
#3: Treat myself to a cute solo dinner date
Okay, I don’t honestly know why I don’t do this already because I genuinely enjoy being alone. There are a ton of times when I want to try a new restaurant or visit one of my favorites and I immediately reach out to friends to see who’s free. And if no one is, then I just don’t go. But what if I just went alone and treated myself just because?
#4: Write a book
This is a biggie. Obviously. As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to write a book and while I did *technically* write a fictional novel when I was 11 (it was called Chimney Spies and I still firmly believe it is a story that deserves to be told) for some reason it just didn’t really take off. LOL.
In all seriousness, this has been a long-term goal of mine and something I haven’t done because I just feel like I haven’t lived enough life yet. I haven’t seen enough success yet. But that is a very silly reason to stop myself from doing something I really want to do. Maybe this book won’t ever get seen by anyone but myself and whatever friend I force to read it but if I could just do it and know that it’s possible I think I would be onto something really good.
#5: Dye my hair blue
This is dumb. But I’ve always wanted to dye the underneath of my hair navy blue and be cool and fun and carefree (all things I typically am not) and since I’m entering my late twenties now I need to do this quick before it gets too weird. It was either this or a nose ring so here we are.
….should I get a nose ring?
#6: Start a podcast about dating
Also quite the endeavor. You may start noticing a shift in my content in the coming weeks because I’ve found through my analytics that you guys really like my dating content. And I like creating it. I just feel like we’re all in this together ladies and I Iove the sense of community that comes with sharing dating horror stories and discussing modern love in general. So why not create a podcast about it?
#7: Have my writing published on 3 of my favorite websites
There has been several moments where I’ve been reading articles on my favorite websites and I end up doing some web sleuthing to see if they accept contributors but ultimately, I don’t submit anything. I get overwhelmed and insecure and I end up just forgetting about it until the next time I’m on the website. I need to stop being so intimidated and just do it.
#8: Take a dance class
LOL. I mean, if you’re reading this and you attended my birthday party I’m sure this is self-explanatory. Not that I necessarily am looking to improve my skills (although that would be a huge bonus) but I’ve just always thought it sounded like a fun way to get some exercise. And while I may not have the best moves, I do love dancing.
#9: Go through a six-week fitness boot camp
Now that my birthday has passed and I’ve done enough celebratory eating to last me a lifetime, I really want to kick things up a notch with my fitness routine and make it through the home stretch of my goals. Obviously, this is going to be tricky during the next two months because hello mashed potatoes and dessert city! But I would love to get my butt in gear with a fitness boot camp class to work off those crescent (and physical) rolls!
I’m kind of a weak baby bird when it comes to weight training and endurance so I’d love to push myself out of my comfort zone this year.
#10: Be fearless with my writing/publish a blog post I’m scared to
There’s a lot of ideas I haven’t shared here on the blog and while I tell myself that it’s because I want to stay on brand and produce content my audience will enjoy, I know that the real reason is that I’m scared to share some of my writing.
Writing about certain topics that are important to me can be scary and I tend to feel like the piece has to be perfect before I can even begin to think about sharing it. But I feel like that’s stopping me from 1. creating content that genuinely excites me and 2. being true to myself. This year I want to share more of what matters to me on She Smiles.
#11: Go hiking or to the beach alone
This is essentially the same deal as the solo dinner date. Some days I just really want to get some fresh air and see something pretty but if I can’t find anyone to join me I won’t do it. I need to start putting myself out of my comfort zone.
#12: Have three girl’s weekends with my bffles
This one is kind of cheating because it’s definitely not a task that’s going to be that hard considering I live for my girl’s weekends with my besties. BUT we have all agreed that we have been slacking over the past couple of years in terms of getting together (one lives in Seattle and one lives in SoCal) so this year we want to make the effort to see each other three times. We’re starting with a trip to Catalina Island in the spring and I am already so excited and we haven’t even really started planning it yet.
#13: Take my mom out for a lady date in Sausalito
For those of you who aren’t Bay Area locals, Sausalito is a charming little town right on the other side (ish) of the Golden Gate Bridge with views of the water, adorable boutiques, and great restaurants. My mom loves it there and I love my mom and we don’t get to do mother/daughter dates as much as I’d like to.
#14: Read a book a month
Ugh, you guys why don’t I read more? I love it and am always ordering books and they pile up all over my apartment and I never get to them. Or when I do it takes me fucking centuries to finish them and as someone who prides themselves on time management, I know that I can find the time to devote to a lost hobby. Give me your motivational/girl boss/business/true crime/mystery/cheesy romcom book recs in the comments!
#15: Go to one blogger event a month and start networking
I feel like a bad blogger because I live in a really cool city with other really cool bloggers who go to cool things and I just don’t. I haven’t made much of an effort to seek out events or connect with a ton of my fellow SF bloggers and that’s just plain dumb. Believe it or not, I’m actually pretty introverted so I know it’s mostly my social anxiety and love of staying home that’s holding me back but I’m over it. Time to expand my social network!
#16: Try a new restaurant every month
I live in the best city for food and while, of course, I do try new places from time to time I don’t do it nearly enough. I’m definitely a creature of habit and have found restaurants I adore and this makes me only want to go to them. But this year I want to be adventurous and try new places and not be such a basic biotch.
#17: Pay off the majority of my debt
Ugh, another biggie. And a stressful one at that. I fucking hate debt, man. I mean, duh. Who doesn’t?
It would feel SO good to say goodbye to my student loans this year (or at least most of them) and to feel more in order financially. So this is one of my major financial goals for 2019.
#18: Finish decorating my apartment
I have had a ton of art waiting to be hung, picture frames waiting to be painted and old furniture waiting to be replaced for months and I’m tired of it. I hate clutter and I hate looking at unfinished projects every day. I want to finally finish my apartment and feel totally satisfied with my cozy home.
#19: Hang out with my grandma once a month
Ugh, you guys. I’m a terrible granddaughter. I don’t spend nearly enough time with the OG She and it’s unacceptable. I’m her namesake! Wtf is wrong with me.
I want to hang out with my grandma more often (she doesn’t live in San Francisco so get off my back about only once a month) so I’m making that a priority this year.
#20: Get a second tattoo
I got my first tattoo just a week after my 18th birthday and while I thankfully didn’t get anything super obscene or embarrassing, I would love to get another tattoo with a little bit more meaning than the sun on my back.
I have a few ideas but I’m not exactly sure what I want just yet. What I am sure of is that it’s time to do it!
#21: Go to yoga twice a month
I am so that girl who says “let’s go to yoga this week!” and then either cancels last minute or suggests we get pupusas instead. I literally JUST canceled on a yoga date with my friend last night and we opted to get our nails done and eat pizza as an alternative. I mean, my nails were looking ROUGH so I guess it’s justified…?
I know I’m not going to get my butt over there once a week because that’s just who I am BUT if I could commit to every other week I know that it would really help with my old man back and also my soul!
#22: Learn how to swim
This is kind of embarrassing but ya girl can’t swim. I tried taking lessons when I was 8 but in all honesty, I was just in it for the chicken nuggets I got as a treat afterward. I didn’t take that shit seriously at all.
I think I can float on my back without panicking? But if I were thrown into a body of water I would probably drown. Big time. So I am challenging myself to take an adult swim class sometime this year. I really don’t want to because it feels a little degrading but I am here to grow!
Plus I kind of feel like I would like swimming as a form of exercise. We shall see.
#23: Increase my income by 75%
I have some pretty hefty biz goals for 2019 and with them comes a big juicy raise. The beauty of working for yourself is that you can decide how much you want to earn. The tricky part is making it happen. But I feel like the only thing that has been in the way of me reaching the type of income I want is myself and my self-doubt. But no more! This is the year I become rich. Lol jk not even BUT this is the year I prove to myself I can earn any amount I’d like.
#24: Take a photography class
I have had my beloved Canon Rebel for about 4 years now and I am ashamed of how unfamiliar I am with its settings still. I obviously understand what each of them does to an extent and have preferences but I am not nearly as skilled as I’d like to be.
Photography is such a big part of what I do and I know it would seriously benefit me and my business if I could at least have a better understanding of the basics.
#25: Create a new vision board
There are some big dreams and goals that I think will unfold after my 25th year (great things take time!) and my vision board definitely needs an update! I want to start envisioning myself in the neighborhood I want to live in, traveling the world and having all the success I’ve been hoping for. I think that this will really kick off the year right and allow me to get clear on exactly what I want.
Wow okay, this list is BIG. A little scary. A little silly. But it’s also everything I’ve been wanting to do so desperately that I haven’t gotten the courage or the motivation to get started on. I can’t wait to share my progress with you all and we’ll see if this turns out to really be my year after all.
What have you been wanting to do/change in your life that you’re scared to? Tell me in the comments!
Xo, She
