I’m sure you’ve read plenty of those “why being single on valentine’s day isn’t a big deal” type of articles, especially if you’re like me and get targeted by the internet and have them thrown in your face every time you check Facebook (like I get it, I’m single af, okay, I understand, thank you for the reminder).
And they’re not wrong. It isn’t a big deal. Duh. We are all women who have way more important things to worry about than not receiving a box of overpriced chocolates this year. And a lot of us might even find Valentine’s Day to be incredibly cheesy and not even want to celebrate it, even if we did have a special someone in our lives.
If you’re like me, you may be a big fan of Galentine’s Day (thank you, Leslie Knope) and enjoy spending your Feb 14 hanging out with the ladies you love most and celebrating the beauty that is female friendship. One year two of my best friends and I even went to New Orleans for a Galentine’s trip (plus Mardi Gras because duh) and it was a way better way to spend the holiday than being in a stuffy restaurant with some guy who wouldn’t be around a few months later (lol not trying to be negative, just speaking from personal experience). Just saying!
Related: What Female Friendship Means to Me
No matter what your feelings are on the topic, I think we can all agree that being the desperate single girl who complains on social media about not having a valentine and talks non-stop about how she wishes she had a boyfriend is not cute. The idea literally sends a shiver down my spine and not only because I’m embarrassed by the idea of being so openly in need of a companion but also because I hate the stereotype of women being desperate and in constant search of a man (obviously). The only thing I am consistently on the hunt for is a spot with perfectly cooked pasta and a killer happy hour, thank you very much.
But I also know that while I certainly am not swiping through Tinder in a panic hoping to lock down a last-minute love interest to ring in Hallmark’s favorite holiday with, there are moments when I think about how nice it would be to have someone who at least wants to be my Valentine. Well, let me rephrase. Someone, I like who at least wants to be my Valentine. An important clarification as my pleasant mailman who is missing a tooth constantly asks me when I’m going to give in and marry him. Not trying to find just anyone, okay.
Those thoughts are immediately followed by an internal eye roll and groan because I hate feeling that way. I can say with complete sincerity that I really enjoy being single, especially at this point in my life. It’s fun and exciting and also allows me to do whatever the fuck I want without having to think about another person and their needs. It also makes starting a dating podcast where I chat with all my exes a lot easier!
Related: My New Dating Podcast!
But sometimes I cling to that part of my identity with a feverish intensity that can prevent me from allowing myself even a single moment of vulnerability. I am the strong girl who gets over breakups quickly and who doesn’t desire a relationship because I am fully content with my busy, happy life. And while that statement has a lot of truth to it, it also neglects the part of me that can feel a little lonely at times because it doesn’t fit this strict narrative I have written for myself in my mind. The problem is that while you may be able to fool everyone else you just simply can’t hide from yourself.
I have to remind myself that it’s okay to wish for a great relationship and also thoroughly enjoy the life I have built that does not require one. It is possible for me to be independent and loving my single twenties while also looking forward to the days when I have someone who makes spontaneous dinner reservations. Life is all about phases and places and right now I am in one particular phase of my life. A chapter that is liberating and fun and unpredictable. It is not one that I am hoping to rush through, but instead immerse myself in completely because I know there will be a time in my life when I look back on this one fondly.
So as I scroll through all of the “happy valentine’s day” pictures that friends post on Instagram, and walk past the over the top pink and red displays in storefront windows I may feel pangs of loneliness here and there. But, I will also feel a strong satisfaction in knowing that there is plenty of time for all of that, if that is even what I end up wanting in the end.
If you’re a single lady like me, know that, of course, it’s not a big deal to be alone on Valentine’s Day (again, I say, duh) but it’s also okay to have a part of you that wishes you weren’t. We’re all multi-faceted women with different desires and priorities that are able to exist alongside one other. You do not need to feel ashamed for wanting someone special, just like you don’t need to feel under pressure to find that someone within the timeline society pushes us into. Your feelings and desires are totally valid and you’re not alone in having them.
If you can relate, I hope this helps! Being single isn’t always just kicking back tequila shots and making out the bouncer, sometimes its moments of insecurity and frustration and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that.
Wishing you (and yours) a very Happy Valentine’s Day this year ♥
Xo, She
